(Don't worry; I don't plan on wasting too much time in my fantasy world. I've got much work to do. But for now, for this moment, I plan to dream a little...)
If I had more time in my day, I would read more.
And if I lived in this particular daydream, I would find myself in the cozy front room of my lovely little home. I would be curled up in the most perfect reading chair by the fireplace. There would be such big windows in this room that I wouldn't need to have the lights on, even on this cold and cloudy day. Maybe I would be sipping on a morning cup of coffee (even thought I don't particularly care for coffee). Better yet, make that tea. (I don't like tea much either, but it seems more appropriate for this daydream)...
And if I had more time in my day, I would write more.
My journals would be filled with the most beautiful and profound thoughts. And, since this is my daydream, a pen such as this (above) would be found in my hand, elegantly dancing on the page as my thoughts are poured out in ink...
And in my spare time, I would take these thoughts and publish them.
Because in this daydream, all of my thoughts would fit perfectly together and make a most incredible piece of literature. I would sit and type for hours, until the last page was pulled from the typewriter, (I must be daydreaming in another era, because yes, it is a typewriter I am using, not my macbook.) and my complete masterpiece was in hand...
Well, I suppose that is enough distraction for this morning. Time to get to work.
So for the past month or so, I have been working towards being an all-around healthier me. My roomie has been providing some incredible accountability. I have been exercising pretty consistently, and I've become a big fan of Special K (along with other forms of healthy eating). I can tell a huge difference, even down to my fingernails. Either they grow faster when I am healthier, or my newly found discipline has also kept me from picking/biting them. (I know, I am so gross. But come on, I'm not the only one!) All around, I am making progress.
But here's the thing... I've come a long way, but I'm not there yet.
So far, accountability from my "trainer" has been the biggest thing keeping me on track (and the hopes of winning a little competition I am in). But you know what, that isn't good enough. I have got to find the motivation to do this from somewhere within me. For me. Or else, what good is any of this going to do? Eventually I will fall into old habits, because let's face it, in the end I will do whatever I want to do.
So this is where I find myself right now. Looking for my inner motivation. Trying to develop a strength of self within me that will get me out of bed for my morning exercise routine even if roomie isn't going at it with me. Motivation to deny my appetite because I am not really hungry, just bored or something.
I think this really important for me to do.... Not because I need to look any different, but because I need to be different. It isn't just about the physical me, but for spiritual me. For emotional me. For me in my relationships. For all that I am.I think all these parts of me are connected, and as I grow in strength and discipline in one area, I think the other parts will be strengthened too.
So these are my thoughts. This is where I am right now. And now I'd better go to sleep so I can wake up early in the morning! (Because really, I should take to time to exercise AND have some quiet time.)
Once we returned from NCYM, I had a week in the office to get a checklist full of things completed before heading out the next weekend for Panama City, Florida. That's right, from the snowy slopes of Colorado to the sandy shores of PCB for another dose of heavenly goodness. Gulf Coast Getaway (GCG).
(pictured: BC, her awesome Harding suitemates, me & my roomie after the long trip home)
I honestly cannot adequately describe what this weekend meant to me... there is just too much that touched me too deeply for any words to do justice. Here is my attempt to express some of what I experienced.
The Spirit. Surrender. Worship.New spiritual community. Restored community. Reconciliation. Ezekiel 37. Paul Evans. Making disciples. Randy Harris.Encouragement. Prayer. Peace. Longing. Cold sand.Story sharing. Evidence of God's grace. Evidence of God's goodness. Evidence of God's power. Submission. Offering. Praise.Hosanna. Awakening.
And like I said, that doesn't even really describe it... As for now, there are still events to plan, places to go, people to interact with, and exciting moments to come. HE is at work. I see HIM moving around me... in me. As I continue to surrender, I know that greater things are still to come.