Tuesday, December 27, 2005

thoughts... I have them... going to write these down..

I am actually writing on my blog. Shocking. Yes, I know. Funny thing is, I am am quite certain no one reads my blog. Yeah. So... if you read this, leave me a comment, any comment, just so I can know. Thanks so much.

I just find myself here. Walking. Moving forward. I don't know the answers. I don't know what's to come. I don't expect to. That's not how He works. But I know I walk with Him. He is the guide. He expects nothing from me except that I stay with Him. He does the rest. He uses my talents and His strength is made perfect in my weakness. I'm nothing special, but I guess the saying is right; it's not what you know, it's Who you know.
~~~~~ok, I say it, I believe it...I don't always live like I believe it. Thankfully, my guide expects me to doubt. Thankfully, He will never give up on me. He is always reaching. If that isn't love... if that isn't power... oh, but It is...

"The point is that real and actual love does not often look like what we think it does...That we would prefer our love to be selfish, pleasing ourselves most of all. We expect love to kiss. But true love is aggressive and attentive and changes things, wakes us from our stupor of danger- modivates, stings, rebukes- while still gently caressing." (from flashBANG by Mark Steele)
~~~~~These words definitely inspire me. They spark a fire within me that makes me certain that that is the kind of love I am searching for. That is the kind of love I want to be. It stirs up a passion in me. A passion that moves me to feel like I could really be love to people, and I can really leave an impression on people... an impression of something more than myself... of Love. And then I turn around... selfishness has surrounded me with mirrors. I want to get past them, but everywhere I look, I can't get past the barriers...all I see is me..
So, breaking glass... going to be painful... it will probably cut me... blood will be involved...