Tuesday, December 27, 2005

thoughts... I have them... going to write these down..

I am actually writing on my blog. Shocking. Yes, I know. Funny thing is, I am am quite certain no one reads my blog. Yeah. So... if you read this, leave me a comment, any comment, just so I can know. Thanks so much.

I just find myself here. Walking. Moving forward. I don't know the answers. I don't know what's to come. I don't expect to. That's not how He works. But I know I walk with Him. He is the guide. He expects nothing from me except that I stay with Him. He does the rest. He uses my talents and His strength is made perfect in my weakness. I'm nothing special, but I guess the saying is right; it's not what you know, it's Who you know.
~~~~~ok, I say it, I believe it...I don't always live like I believe it. Thankfully, my guide expects me to doubt. Thankfully, He will never give up on me. He is always reaching. If that isn't love... if that isn't power... oh, but It is...

"The point is that real and actual love does not often look like what we think it does...That we would prefer our love to be selfish, pleasing ourselves most of all. We expect love to kiss. But true love is aggressive and attentive and changes things, wakes us from our stupor of danger- modivates, stings, rebukes- while still gently caressing." (from flashBANG by Mark Steele)
~~~~~These words definitely inspire me. They spark a fire within me that makes me certain that that is the kind of love I am searching for. That is the kind of love I want to be. It stirs up a passion in me. A passion that moves me to feel like I could really be love to people, and I can really leave an impression on people... an impression of something more than myself... of Love. And then I turn around... selfishness has surrounded me with mirrors. I want to get past them, but everywhere I look, I can't get past the barriers...all I see is me..
So, breaking glass... going to be painful... it will probably cut me... blood will be involved...

Friday, July 08, 2005


...It is July...I have been at Mayfair all this summer...all I can say right now is...Wow......
God, You have done some tremendous things in my life this summer. You have placed some tremendous people in my life. I love you Lord. Thank You. A heartfelt thanks!

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Sometimes it's hard....

....but you just have to lean on the Lord. He is carrying me. That is for sure. I just have to let myself have the faith to believe it.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

How time flies....

Ok, it's been a little bit longer than a while since I have written in this thing. So much has happened in these 4 months that I cannot begin to fill you in. Good thing I have a real journal that has it all written in it, however, that does nothing for you. Sorry. We can talk about it all sometime if you are that interested. If not, then I will just continue on.

In two weeks I will be on the California tour. This summer, starting May 20, I will be living in Huntsville. I will be working with the Mayfair Church of Christ as a youth intern. I am oh so excited! I got to meet the girls and my other girl intern this weekend at a retreat. I love all of them so much already! I can't wait to see how God is going to use me in their lives, and how God is going to use them in mine! This is such an incredible opportunity...I'm amazed at how God works. He just seems to blow my mind...over and over again.

I am nearing the end of my sophmore year in college. That means that, if I finish in 4 years, I am almost half way done! Where have the years gone! Brittany and I were just reminising our childhood. What happened to that little girl with the messy pigtails, the overall shorts, and the banana-seat bicycle? What happened to the days of American Girl dolls and sleepovers? Where are those neighbors that used to ring my doorbell? They are now memories. Cherished memories, but those days are gone. They have all played a part in who I am today, but even who I am today will change as the days go by. I am growing up. Crazy to think about. Priorities change. Free time is hard to come by. Here is an interesting thought-

I am now at the point where my dreams can become realities. Henry David Thoreau once said, "If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; there is where they should be. Now put foundations under them."

I am being molding. I am being prepared. The Potter is shaping me. In every situation. In every moment. Everyday. I am changing. Growth can be scary, but it can also be an adventure. I have a perfect Potter. I will just grasp hold of His hand and let Him guide me. Because I have given my future to Him. It is in His hands....and that is the safest place for it to be. So I am just going to keep walking, and see where He leads me.