i wanna sit at Your feet

drink from the cup in Your hand

lean back against You and breathe

feel Your heart beat

this love is so deep

it's more than i can stand

i melt in Your peace

it's overwhelming

i need You more

more than yesterday

i need You more

more than words can say

i need You more

than ever before

i need You more

i need You Lord

more than the air i breathe

more than the song i sing

more than the next heartbeat

more than anything

how long oh Lord

will You forget me forever?

how long must You hide Your face from me?

how long must i wrestle with my thoughts of doubt

and insecurity

there's no one to blame

but i love You the same

i love You the same

Guess we'll never know...

... You can't really read what the cloud says. If you are curious about the cloud, go to Jason Bybee's blog, Already & Not Yet, and see his. It's pretty cool.

What does my cloud say?

Overcoming Exhaustion

This weekend was amazing! I was blessed with the opportunity of going to Winterfest with my favorite group of teenagers in the world- the Mayfair youth group! It was such an encouraging weekend full of inspiring and informative lessons, uplifting praise and worship, and snow flurries that were beautiful!!

I would take the time to go into greater detail of this weekend (and maybe I will later), but right now I am just so exhausted! I might be getting sick. I feel kinda achy and I am so sleepy. But I CANNOT get sick! There is too much to do this week.

I spent 4 hours in the library researching for my paper that is due Wednesday. (The rough draft was due today, but I missed that deadline.) I have a test tomorrow, more reading that I MUST catch up on, a test in British Writers at 8:30 in the morning, a midterm Thursday in counseling class (not to mention a lot of work to catch up on in there)... then there is the constant work responsibility. I would have way too much going on the 1 week that I am lacking the energy to handle it.

But I am not going to worry. Stress and anxiety never helps a person feel better. I'm just going to take it all in stride, get all I can done, and hope that I am met on all ends with patience from those that I may disappoint this week. On that note, I am going to end this blog and get back to work... because I refuse to stay up past midnight.

Ambition

This is a poem I wrote last year in Creative Writing. I was just thinking about how I had so much on my mind, but none of it wanted to form into words. Therefore, I decided to go to something I had already written, and though this doesn't encompass all of my thoughts, it depicts some of them.


Ambition

dreaming dreams
striving for reality
wishing
hoping
falling short
getting up
pushing harder

dreams shattered
crushed
broken
hopes scattered
lost

afraid to speak
to say out loud
let others see my dreams?
makes failure harder
torturous

glimmer of hope
a chance
a possibility
is it worth it?
risking it all?
allow such vulnerability?

to step off the edge
into the unknown
nothing to grasp
to soar?
to crash?
which will it be?
will I attempt it?

dreaming dreams
striving for reality
wishing
hoping
falling short
getting up
pushing harder

A song from Psalms

I am so thankful for the life that the Lord has blessed me with. I am thankful for the people that He has placed in my life. It's like every person is a song. Since that is the case, there is a lot of different music I am surrounded with. Each one unique, each beautiful. I am thankful for the songs I walk with each day.

Right now I want to share a song with you. She has blessed me so much. Words don't describe. I won't embarrass her, so I won't identify her by name. However, I want to show you part of her song. These lyrics are taken from Psalms. She picked them out and pieced them together, set them to some guitar chords, and created something amazing. Here are the lyrics from one of my favorite songs.

(v 1)
How long oh Lord, will You forget me forever
How long will You hide Your face from me
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts of doubt & insecurity

All day, every day, I go about mourning
Remembering my songs from better days
And at night I stretch out untiring hands
To a God who won't reach back at my demand

(chorus)
Look on me and answer me if You're out there
Give light to my eyes or I'm gonna die
Sinking in the mire but my desire is for You
Choking on these tears for food

(v 2)
Your arrows have pierced me, Your hand on me's heavy
My heart has turned to wax and melts away
I'm poured out like water when trouble's near, You're never here

You've shaken my life & torn it all open
Mend up it fractures cause it's quaking
You've shown Your kid desperate times
Now I stagger like I'm drunk on wine

(chorus)

(bridge)
Will the Lord reject forever?
Will He ever show His favor?
Has His unfailing love vanished?
Has His promise failed for all time?
Has God forgotten to be merciful to me?

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God
For I will praise Him yet

(chorus- repeat)

Words from one of my favorite songs.... I'm just blessed she lets me sing along.

The Lipscomb Life

So I drove up to the good ole Lipscomb University in Nashville this weekend. I'm currently sitting here in Sarah Beth and DeeDee's dorm room. This has been the most random and eventful 2 days ever so far. Well, maybe not the most eventful EVER, but nonetheless, this has been a really fun weekend!

What I thought would be a 5 hour drive turned out to be merely 4... a pleasant surprise indeed, and even though it quickly became a cold and rainy day in Nashville, we had a lot of fun! I got information on the Masters program here at Lipscomb, ran into 7 people I knew within a 30 minute period (so random!!), and then Sarah Beth and I walked over to this cool bookstore across the street from campus. I have never seen so many books crammed into one small store! It was beautiful!

More events from the evening:
dinner at Baja Burrito- it was sooooo good! ("of course it was" says Sarah Beth) It was funny because it was freezing outside, but there was no room inside so out we went to sit under the umbrella tables. Good fun, funny conversation!
Art show at Hillsboro c o c- this was a really neat event! I liked it a lot! And good things came from this art show! While we were there, Stan, the college minister, asked us if we would be willing to stay the night at the building to protect the art. Of course we wanted to!! So that led to...
A crazy night of old school lock-in funness minus the chaperones- Yes. 7 college students. A projector. Movie, DDR, and Nintendo. A dark empty building that was dark and scary. And a room full of art to protect. It was indeed, quite a night. Good times. Good fun. Random memories. (oh, and ice cream, cookies, and hot chocolate)

So far today we have had a nice nap, Smoothies, and now we are about to go buy groceries for a BYOM party. (Bring your own meat) I am pretty excited. So now I am off to Kroger.

(and it might snow!!!)

Contracts and a Thesis

So I am a Junior here at Faulkner, and I was a part of the Great Books Honors Program my 1st two years here. However, this summer I made the decision that I really didn't care to continue and have to endure the stress of the dreaded thesis. I didn't know whether or not I could handle it, I didn't want to be even more cluttered...I had a number of reasons...good ones at that. However, things have changed.

Yes, things have changed. I managed to eliminate quite a bit of clutter (and I am enjoying life...still have a lot to do, but it is a load I can handle. I can breathe easier this semester.) and I have realized a lot of things about myself. I have realized that I don't always strive to reach my full potential. I am a smart girl, and I have been blessed greatly with many opportunities and experiences. Yet I could be so much more. I could do so much more. Not for myself, but for the higher purpose. As I make decisions and goals for my future, as I dare to dream big, I need to be willing to take a step out of the comfort zone and be bold enough to reach for something. I have decided that I am going to reach out for this Honors degree. Not because I need it. Not because I want to build myself up. But because I think that if I am going to fulfill my true nature, if I am going to use the gifts God has given me, I need to push myself academically while I can. Who knows what all I am going to learn that God is going to use.

So that is the first concrete decision I have made about my future. I am going to learn to think. I am going to learn to speak. I am going to learn to listen. I am going to be pushed and stretched and molded. And God is going to use me. The way I figure it, if my body is a living sacrifice to the Lord, I want to do all I can to make it an acceptable sacrifice. (The beautiful thing is that I have already been accepted. None of this is neccessary for my salvation. If it was neccessary, it wouldn't be a gift.) I have been forgiven. I have been justified, sanctified...I have been redeemed. Jesus mad e the sacrifice for me. Now I want to live my life as a gift to God.

(Big concept right there. My words did it no justice. Let your mind expand those thoughts so that you can get a glipse of this amazing idea that I have just barely been able to take a peek at... wow....)