Why Becoming a Better Writer Stinks

Why Becoming a Better Writer Stinks
(written with a bit of sarcasm)
by Jenna Lupo

I remember writing a paper about Jack Nickolas, the golfer. This was in fifth grade. I remember doing my research in the elementary school library. The World Book. It contained everything I needed. Read it, then write it. That's how it worked. I had never even heard the work "rhetoric." Oh--for those days.

I recall the semester my sophmore year in high school that I had English II Honors. Mrs. Schlager. She found my narative essay to be quite funny. She liked it a lot. "Ice in the Floor, Suds in the Kitchen, and Other Mishaps." I got an A. I was quite fond of that paper. I think I used it again another year for something else. It was simple. It was funny. It was practically effortless. Who needed research? It all came from within. Oh--for those days.

I remember my junior year. English III Honors with Mrs. Lemons. The year of the research paper. My favorite American author. Caroline B. Cooney. I had read dozens of her books. This would be a breeze; I wouldn't even have to read any extra books. Look up some info online when we had time in the computer lab. Procrastination. I wrote that 12 page paper the day before. I rememeber seriously regreting my procrastination that Sunday evening. Yet, I pulled it off. Another successful assignment. Oh--for those days.

It used to be so simple.

Then I got to college.

At first, I was able to play by the high school rules. I was even in Great Books, but I was good. Procrastination pushed me-- I could still pull it off. Oh--those were the days.

And then came Advanced Composition class. I now stare the word rhetoric in the face everyday when my eyes meet the cover of my textbook. I now have to listen to examples upon examples of good or bad logic, persuassive or pointless arguements, etc, etc, etc. I now need to spend hours in the library researching, which leads to days in front of my computer. I can't settle. I must meet the standards that I have been taught.

Now I find myself with 11 papers to write before the end of the semester. Do I need to repeat that? No, it wasn't a misprint. ELEVEN papers. Some 3-5 pages long, others 4-8, a couple 10 pagers, and a 20 page research paper. I have 5 weeks. Not enough days....

This is why becoming a better writer stinks.

So I took a personality test...

(Not really a test...one of those dinky quizzes online..) This is what is said...

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx - Try it yourself if you want... I never know what to think about these things....

The Calm of the Storm

Last night was pretty crazy. The wind was blowing; the power kept going out. The weather wasn't the only thing that went crazy. I felt like there was a storm brewing in my mind.
Maybe due to the stress of the day. Maybe it's because I couldn't help but think about all of the things I really need to do this weekend- there's a lot so it is an overwhelming thought. Maybe it's because I have obsessive complusive tendencies when it comes to my living space (currently the apartement).

(Let me briefly explain what stresses me out about the apartment. I kinda consider my home to be my sanctuary- a place for me to escape the madness of everyday life. I can remember being in high school and just locking myself in my room for hours. I'd do my homework (first thing I listed, but definitely not the first thing I'd think to do), I'd... I'd come up with all sorts of things to do, even if it was simply listening to music or looking at pictures. If my room got too disorderly, I would clean it. Not for the simple reason that I wanted it clean- I cleaned it because the disorder would get to the point that it was disrupting my sanctuary.

The apartment is my home. I share this home with 2 other people. Our rooms are our own. We keep them how we like them. The living room/kitchen we share. We do our best to keep things orderly. We take turns doing the dishes (even if none of the dishes in the sink are our own), we take turns taking out the trash, and we try to straighten up after ourselfs. Doesn't seem that that should be too difficult of a task. Yeah, if only 3 people lived here... it gets harder when about 7 other people consider our apartment their 2nd home. With the increase of people comes an increase of disorder. Note: I love all of you guys SOOO much, and I'm glad we can all hang out in the apartment. Please keep that in mind!!! I just get a little overwhelmed when I enter my apartment and there is more chaos inside than in the world I escaped.)

Okay. Enough of that. I'm sure you were all get the feel for why my mind was as crazy as the weather outside. Which leads me to the real reason I am writing this blog.

I needed to escape. I needed a resting place. Nowhere was calm. Even my room was messy- not calm enough to relieve me. So I went to the one calm place I could think of... the extra bedroom. I brought my big, puffy, white, goose-feather comforter and curled up on the "window seat." I opened the window a bit and listened to the rain. I watched the clouds that were quickly moving across the sky. I just stayed there. And I found rest. I felt as if I had escaped the chaos of my day by running away to this quiet place, but I didn't feel alone. There was another in my presence- or should I say, I was in His presence. I was comforted by His presence. I was calmed by His presence. The storm outside became a lullaby. The to-list didn't seem nearly as important as just sitting there. He calmed the storm that had disturbed my peace of mind, and I fell asleep in the arms of my Comforter.

So I may be crazy. My life may get crazy. And my apartment may become the definition of crazy sometimes... but I know who brings peace. He is my sanctuary.

A decision has been made...

Ladies and gentlemen... boys and girls...

A decision has been made. After a couple stressful conversations, a few headaches, several helpful listening ears, and quite a many prayers there is peace. Well, at least a basic answer.
I am not going to London to study abroad this summer. (and I'm not near as heartbroken as one might think...I'm actually relieved!)

Instead I am going to take my classes during Faulkner's 1st summer class session, then I am going on a mission trip to Malawi, Africa for 2 weeks, and then I will return to Montgomery to continue working and writing my thesis. (This is the basic skeleton of the plan... details will follow in time.)

I am really excited about this new plan and how God is going to work through it. There has got to be a reason why He thought it would be a good idea to shake everything up here at crunch-time, and I am looking forward to watching the Lord work! So there we have it... everyone can sleep a little bit better now.

I'd like to take a moment to thank the people that helped me out through this insanity: The girls of the APT (those that live here, and those that practically live here ;), Kyle (we could probably group him in that 1st category as well...), my mom and dad (nothing like advice from the rents...good stuff!), Jason Bybee (the best mentor ever) and Corey Trevathan (I miss these two youth ministers!), Wes Gunn & Nathan Capps (Wes for letting me join the Malawi team this late in the game, and Nathan for advising me to get a loan ;), Sarah Beth (I never got around to actually filling you in on everything, but I know you were praying), and finally my adopted parents at Landmark- David and Susan Clark (they listened/talked to me and Brittany for about two hours and helped to guide us to our decisions.. plus the banana pudding was amazing!). I am so blessed to have so many amazing people in my life, and there were so many more I could have called. I love being a part of the family of God! There is no greater security, that's for sure!!

Now all I have to do is break the news to Dr. Hicks... (I'm kinda afraid... please be praying about that!)

This is harder than I thought...

This day has been a rollercoaster- that or the spinning teacups- and now I am left feeling incredibly dizzy. Do you ever have a plan, then find yourself revising that plan, then realizing that the new plan is not quite as perfect as you thought? You are left without all the details, confused, frustrated, stressed, and completely drained. It's like you run around trying to get things in order, only to find that you have been running in circles, and you haven't accomplished anything. There. That is how I feel right now. And the sad part is- most of you have no idea what in the world is going on.

In the long run, what I do this summer is not that big of a deal... but in a way it is. And I have no idea what will be decided, and no idea what I want to happen. Please be praying about this for me. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed about it all. If it just involved me, I could make a decision, but there is more that plays into it... so please pray that the best choice will be obvious. This really is a lot harder than I thought it would be.

Something on my mind...

So I've had this plan for the summer. I mean, these plans were carefully sketched out and molded to where they are exactly what I want and need, right? So I thought. However, today (and many other connected things that have led my thoughts to where I find myself today) has presented another option... more options even.

What was this plan? To go to London to study abroad (taking 2 classes there) and then taking a class at school while working on my thesis. This extends onto my Sr. year plans... etc...etc... It fit perfectly. It sounds great, doesn't it?

Well I am here to tell you that my plans could be changing. And I am really excited about that possibility. Because I don't know anything definite, that is all I am going to write. Please be praying that I will make the best choice for myself and for all the others involved. God is at work. I just have to follow Him.

i wanna sit at Your feet

drink from the cup in Your hand

lean back against You and breathe

feel Your heart beat

this love is so deep

it's more than i can stand

i melt in Your peace

it's overwhelming

i need You more

more than yesterday

i need You more

more than words can say

i need You more

than ever before

i need You more

i need You Lord

more than the air i breathe

more than the song i sing

more than the next heartbeat

more than anything

how long oh Lord

will You forget me forever?

how long must You hide Your face from me?

how long must i wrestle with my thoughts of doubt

and insecurity

there's no one to blame

but i love You the same

i love You the same

Guess we'll never know...

... You can't really read what the cloud says. If you are curious about the cloud, go to Jason Bybee's blog, Already & Not Yet, and see his. It's pretty cool.

What does my cloud say?

Overcoming Exhaustion

This weekend was amazing! I was blessed with the opportunity of going to Winterfest with my favorite group of teenagers in the world- the Mayfair youth group! It was such an encouraging weekend full of inspiring and informative lessons, uplifting praise and worship, and snow flurries that were beautiful!!

I would take the time to go into greater detail of this weekend (and maybe I will later), but right now I am just so exhausted! I might be getting sick. I feel kinda achy and I am so sleepy. But I CANNOT get sick! There is too much to do this week.

I spent 4 hours in the library researching for my paper that is due Wednesday. (The rough draft was due today, but I missed that deadline.) I have a test tomorrow, more reading that I MUST catch up on, a test in British Writers at 8:30 in the morning, a midterm Thursday in counseling class (not to mention a lot of work to catch up on in there)... then there is the constant work responsibility. I would have way too much going on the 1 week that I am lacking the energy to handle it.

But I am not going to worry. Stress and anxiety never helps a person feel better. I'm just going to take it all in stride, get all I can done, and hope that I am met on all ends with patience from those that I may disappoint this week. On that note, I am going to end this blog and get back to work... because I refuse to stay up past midnight.

Ambition

This is a poem I wrote last year in Creative Writing. I was just thinking about how I had so much on my mind, but none of it wanted to form into words. Therefore, I decided to go to something I had already written, and though this doesn't encompass all of my thoughts, it depicts some of them.


Ambition

dreaming dreams
striving for reality
wishing
hoping
falling short
getting up
pushing harder

dreams shattered
crushed
broken
hopes scattered
lost

afraid to speak
to say out loud
let others see my dreams?
makes failure harder
torturous

glimmer of hope
a chance
a possibility
is it worth it?
risking it all?
allow such vulnerability?

to step off the edge
into the unknown
nothing to grasp
to soar?
to crash?
which will it be?
will I attempt it?

dreaming dreams
striving for reality
wishing
hoping
falling short
getting up
pushing harder

A song from Psalms

I am so thankful for the life that the Lord has blessed me with. I am thankful for the people that He has placed in my life. It's like every person is a song. Since that is the case, there is a lot of different music I am surrounded with. Each one unique, each beautiful. I am thankful for the songs I walk with each day.

Right now I want to share a song with you. She has blessed me so much. Words don't describe. I won't embarrass her, so I won't identify her by name. However, I want to show you part of her song. These lyrics are taken from Psalms. She picked them out and pieced them together, set them to some guitar chords, and created something amazing. Here are the lyrics from one of my favorite songs.

(v 1)
How long oh Lord, will You forget me forever
How long will You hide Your face from me
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts of doubt & insecurity

All day, every day, I go about mourning
Remembering my songs from better days
And at night I stretch out untiring hands
To a God who won't reach back at my demand

(chorus)
Look on me and answer me if You're out there
Give light to my eyes or I'm gonna die
Sinking in the mire but my desire is for You
Choking on these tears for food

(v 2)
Your arrows have pierced me, Your hand on me's heavy
My heart has turned to wax and melts away
I'm poured out like water when trouble's near, You're never here

You've shaken my life & torn it all open
Mend up it fractures cause it's quaking
You've shown Your kid desperate times
Now I stagger like I'm drunk on wine

(chorus)

(bridge)
Will the Lord reject forever?
Will He ever show His favor?
Has His unfailing love vanished?
Has His promise failed for all time?
Has God forgotten to be merciful to me?

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God
For I will praise Him yet

(chorus- repeat)

Words from one of my favorite songs.... I'm just blessed she lets me sing along.

The Lipscomb Life

So I drove up to the good ole Lipscomb University in Nashville this weekend. I'm currently sitting here in Sarah Beth and DeeDee's dorm room. This has been the most random and eventful 2 days ever so far. Well, maybe not the most eventful EVER, but nonetheless, this has been a really fun weekend!

What I thought would be a 5 hour drive turned out to be merely 4... a pleasant surprise indeed, and even though it quickly became a cold and rainy day in Nashville, we had a lot of fun! I got information on the Masters program here at Lipscomb, ran into 7 people I knew within a 30 minute period (so random!!), and then Sarah Beth and I walked over to this cool bookstore across the street from campus. I have never seen so many books crammed into one small store! It was beautiful!

More events from the evening:
dinner at Baja Burrito- it was sooooo good! ("of course it was" says Sarah Beth) It was funny because it was freezing outside, but there was no room inside so out we went to sit under the umbrella tables. Good fun, funny conversation!
Art show at Hillsboro c o c- this was a really neat event! I liked it a lot! And good things came from this art show! While we were there, Stan, the college minister, asked us if we would be willing to stay the night at the building to protect the art. Of course we wanted to!! So that led to...
A crazy night of old school lock-in funness minus the chaperones- Yes. 7 college students. A projector. Movie, DDR, and Nintendo. A dark empty building that was dark and scary. And a room full of art to protect. It was indeed, quite a night. Good times. Good fun. Random memories. (oh, and ice cream, cookies, and hot chocolate)

So far today we have had a nice nap, Smoothies, and now we are about to go buy groceries for a BYOM party. (Bring your own meat) I am pretty excited. So now I am off to Kroger.

(and it might snow!!!)

Contracts and a Thesis

So I am a Junior here at Faulkner, and I was a part of the Great Books Honors Program my 1st two years here. However, this summer I made the decision that I really didn't care to continue and have to endure the stress of the dreaded thesis. I didn't know whether or not I could handle it, I didn't want to be even more cluttered...I had a number of reasons...good ones at that. However, things have changed.

Yes, things have changed. I managed to eliminate quite a bit of clutter (and I am enjoying life...still have a lot to do, but it is a load I can handle. I can breathe easier this semester.) and I have realized a lot of things about myself. I have realized that I don't always strive to reach my full potential. I am a smart girl, and I have been blessed greatly with many opportunities and experiences. Yet I could be so much more. I could do so much more. Not for myself, but for the higher purpose. As I make decisions and goals for my future, as I dare to dream big, I need to be willing to take a step out of the comfort zone and be bold enough to reach for something. I have decided that I am going to reach out for this Honors degree. Not because I need it. Not because I want to build myself up. But because I think that if I am going to fulfill my true nature, if I am going to use the gifts God has given me, I need to push myself academically while I can. Who knows what all I am going to learn that God is going to use.

So that is the first concrete decision I have made about my future. I am going to learn to think. I am going to learn to speak. I am going to learn to listen. I am going to be pushed and stretched and molded. And God is going to use me. The way I figure it, if my body is a living sacrifice to the Lord, I want to do all I can to make it an acceptable sacrifice. (The beautiful thing is that I have already been accepted. None of this is neccessary for my salvation. If it was neccessary, it wouldn't be a gift.) I have been forgiven. I have been justified, sanctified...I have been redeemed. Jesus mad e the sacrifice for me. Now I want to live my life as a gift to God.

(Big concept right there. My words did it no justice. Let your mind expand those thoughts so that you can get a glipse of this amazing idea that I have just barely been able to take a peek at... wow....)

Funny Event of the Weekend...

Okay, so I had the most random, funny day in the world Saturday!

This weekend the campus ministry at Landmark participated in another Extreme Home Makeover service project. A single mother of 2 young children was in need of a new home, so she found one, but it was in REALLY bad shape. That is where we came in. A man from our church and his construction crew were in charge fixing the big stuff (like putting up some new walls, etc) and we were in charge of the inside. We cleaned,scraped, and painted all of the rooms, and the carpet should be in by now. It was great to be involved in such a big project. (this is not the funny part...)

After we were finished painting Saturday afternoon, we decided to grab some food before going back to school. (this is where the random funniness starts) Now of course we look horrible. Paint all over us...dirty Tshirts and painted scrubs...bandanas over some pigtail braids... we just look out of place driving through Montgomery apparently. Cars were passing us, and the passengers would be staring at us. It was kinda strange, but nothing too weird. UNTIL this one car passed us. It was full of young teenage girls (by young I mean they looked to young to be by themselves in a vehicle) and all of them had turned around in their seats to stare at us as they drove by. We couldn't figure out what the deal was!

A few minutes later we pulled up beside that car at a redlight. Not meaning any harm by it, just trying to be funny, we all turned and looked at them...not even staring, just smiling at them! Well they didn't like that too much. The next thing I know, we are being cursed at!!! These too-young-to-be-driving preteen girls were flipping us off and screaming curse words in our direction. Now we were just laughing cause we had NO IDEA why all this was happening! It was crazy!!!

The light turned green, the car sped off, we just keep driving towards Sonic, thinking the moment had passed... but oh no... Those girls were not finished with us! As they were waiting to turn into the mall and we were passing them to get to Sonic, the girl on the passenger side rolled down her window and held her arm up flipping us off. She kept it up until we were out of sight. WHAT?!?! How CRAZY!! And sadly enough, that wasn't the end of the craziness. From the preteens at Sonic that didn't approve of our fashion statement (paint is not cool), to the game of pass the pigs with the old people (this was actually the funnest thing EVER), and the hair dye catastrophe in the midnight hours... Saturday was definitely the funniest day of the New Year so far.

And that is my story. The End.

Flexibility or Fear?

For some reason I have become so apprehensive about limiting myself. I am scared of making decisions that will box me in. I have become scared of putting anything in a box. Especially myself. Especially now. So much is unknown...so much I want...to limit might mean to miss out on something that gets left out of that box. But at the same time, I want to find my place. Even if that place limits me... but where is that place? How do I find it? How do I choose? So many directions I could go.. so many things I could do. What do I want?

I have faith, and I want my goals to be faith-full, but the fear is crippling. It leaves me with so many questions left unanswered. So many thoughts that won't form into words that could form into questions that could obtain answers.

That is what I feel like I am this year. An abundant mass of thoughts all tangled up.. a lot of words that don't do the job.. don't express the bundle of thoughts...

Goals vs. Flexibility

"What do you want to do when you graduate?" ~a large # of people
"I am not really sure, but I'm not worried. I know God will provide me opportunities. He has so far, and He will. I'll just be flexible... I figure, really, that's the best way to do it- just have faith." ~me

Well, I have come to the conclusion that I was wrong. Wrong to let that be my blanket statement...a security blanket.. yeah, that is not faith.

I need to set goals. Strive for them. Because flexibility can only come when there is a plan to modify. As of now. I haven't had a plan. And that is not good.

Working on that....

Rhetoric... I think I am going to like this class.

Thank you Jason Bybee for commenting on my last post. Someone does read this thing!! Well, has read. haha

This was my first journal entry for advanced comp....

Rhetoric is an art/discipline that I really want to master. It is quite possible that this class will advance me further down the path to becoming an advanced rhetorician than I have ever imagined I might go. If I fully take advantage of this class, it will be a launching pad for me; it will only be the beginning of the adventure.

I like the fact that rhetoric is refered to as an art and a discipline in the first sentence of chapter one. (I already read the first chapter. I thought it was our homework for Wednesday.) I like that it is refered to as both because each description appeals to me in two different ways.

Rhetoric as an art creates a mental image that excites me. One that sends an inspiring chill through the core of my being. I like to mold and shape things. I love to harmonize. I love to blend my voice with another in ways that both contrast and compliment. I love to hear a violin as it is being tuned. The hand of the musician slowly shapes the sound until it is beautiful. I love seeing myself as a piece of clay being molding in the hands of a potter. I love art. An artist of words has much influence; I want to be an artist of words.

Rhetoric as a discipline doesn't invigorate me with the same sort of passion, but it puts reason behind that passion. It puts a concrete element into the equation, and an individual needs to have something concrete to stand on. Discipline seems to be the foundation that the rhetorician can build his art on. That image excites me as well.

I know that I can become an advanced rhetorician. It is in this class that I hope to be prepared, tuned, and molded.

I don't think anyone reads this... but..

The new year has begun. Diets are already being broken, exercise machines have yet to be assembled...another year of resolutions.. resolutions that last long enough for you to write them down and tell your co-workers all about them. But what then?

I decided this year, that I wasn't going to do a list. And I like lists. But I decided against it for this year. You see, I'm always trying to fix something about myself anyways. Practically everyday of the year. I suppose that is a good thing... recognizing faults... working to improve...

I have decided to take things a step at a time. This semester. I have managed to de-clutter, which was a goal of mine before this past semester. Now my goal is to learn to love. I am going to end on that note for now, and then come back later and elaborate.

thoughts... I have them... going to write these down..

I am actually writing on my blog. Shocking. Yes, I know. Funny thing is, I am am quite certain no one reads my blog. Yeah. So... if you read this, leave me a comment, any comment, just so I can know. Thanks so much.


I just find myself here. Walking. Moving forward. I don't know the answers. I don't know what's to come. I don't expect to. That's not how He works. But I know I walk with Him. He is the guide. He expects nothing from me except that I stay with Him. He does the rest. He uses my talents and His strength is made perfect in my weakness. I'm nothing special, but I guess the saying is right; it's not what you know, it's Who you know.
~~~~~ok, I say it, I believe it...I don't always live like I believe it. Thankfully, my guide expects me to doubt. Thankfully, He will never give up on me. He is always reaching. If that isn't love... if that isn't power... oh, but It is...


"The point is that real and actual love does not often look like what we think it does...That we would prefer our love to be selfish, pleasing ourselves most of all. We expect love to kiss. But true love is aggressive and attentive and changes things, wakes us from our stupor of danger- modivates, stings, rebukes- while still gently caressing." (from flashBANG by Mark Steele)
~~~~~These words definitely inspire me. They spark a fire within me that makes me certain that that is the kind of love I am searching for. That is the kind of love I want to be. It stirs up a passion in me. A passion that moves me to feel like I could really be love to people, and I can really leave an impression on people... an impression of something more than myself... of Love. And then I turn around... selfishness has surrounded me with mirrors. I want to get past them, but everywhere I look, I can't get past the barriers...all I see is me..
So, breaking glass... going to be painful... it will probably cut me... blood will be involved...