this was no protein bar...

Dear Denny's,

Thank you for the invitation to dine with you today! You added much excitement to my day. It was nice of you to hand out rain-check coupons for those of us that did not have time to wait around. Even though I didn't take one, my friends and I were up for the wait, I still appreciate the gesture. The pancakes were really good, and I didn't even run out of syrup! I was surprised that I cleaned my plate-- I even enjoyed the sausage. (I'm sorry that I was kinda scared of it at first. You proved me wrong.) 

I may get in trouble for hanging out with you today, (nothing against you, you've just got a lot more calories than my Special K meal bar) , but I am willing to suffer the consequences. I've probably got a date with a certain treadmill later this evening.... misery, but today, and only today, you were worth it! 

Thanks again! Next time you host such a big event, let me know! I'll be there!

Sincerely,

Jenna 

(as well as Cody, Brock, & Autumn)

feeling a bit nostalgic...

so... 

I looked through old pictures

found these

they made me smile

& so I decided to share them

sweet memories...

simply adorable...

This is precious.

I want it to be spring.

I want to be 5.

I wish I could do a cartwheel.

a distracted moment...

I am daydreaming a bit this morning...

(Don't worry; I don't plan on wasting too much time in my fantasy world. I've got much work to do. But for now, for this moment, I plan to dream a little...)

If I had more time in my day, I would read more.

And if I lived in this particular daydream, I would find myself in the cozy front room of my lovely little home. I would be curled up in the most perfect reading chair by the fireplace. There would be such big windows in this room that I wouldn't need to have the lights on, even on this cold and cloudy day. Maybe I would be sipping on a morning cup of coffee (even thought I don't particularly care for coffee). Better yet, make that tea. (I don't like tea much either, but it seems more appropriate for this daydream)...

And if I had more time in my day, I would write more.

My journals would be filled with the most beautiful and profound thoughts. And, since this is my daydream, a pen such as this (above) would be found in my hand, elegantly dancing on the page as my thoughts are poured out in ink... 

And in my spare time, I would take these thoughts and publish them.

Because in this daydream, all of my thoughts would fit perfectly together and make a most incredible piece of literature. I would sit and type for hours, until the last page was pulled from the typewriter, (I must be daydreaming in another era, because yes, it is a typewriter I am using, not my macbook.) and my complete masterpiece was in hand...

Well, I suppose that is enough distraction for this morning. Time to get to work. 

Perhaps I will find some time to read today....

Motivation from within...

So for the past month or so, I have been working towards being an all-around healthier me. My roomie has been providing some incredible accountability. I have been exercising pretty consistently, and I've become a big fan of Special K (along with other forms of healthy eating). I can tell a huge difference, even down to my fingernails. Either they grow faster when I am healthier, or my newly found discipline has also kept me from picking/biting them. (I know, I am so gross. But come on, I'm not the only one!) All around, I am making progress.

But here's the thing... I've come a long way, but I'm not there yet.

So far, accountability from my "trainer" has been the biggest thing keeping me on track (and the hopes of winning a little competition I am in). But you know what, that isn't good enough. I have got to find the motivation to do this from somewhere within me. For me. Or else, what good is any of this going to do? Eventually I will fall into old habits, because let's face it, in the end I will do whatever I want to do. 

So this is where I find myself right now. Looking for my inner motivation. Trying to develop a strength of self within me that will get me out of bed for my morning exercise routine even if roomie isn't going at it with me. Motivation to deny my appetite because I am not really hungry, just bored or something. 

I think this really important for me to do.... Not because I need to look any different, but because I need to be different. It isn't just about the physical me, but for spiritual me. For emotional me. For me in my relationships. For all that I am. I think all these parts of me are connected, and as I grow in strength and discipline in one area, I think the other parts will be strengthened too. 

So these are my thoughts. This is where I am right now. And now I'd better go to sleep so I can wake up early in the morning! (Because really, I should take to time to exercise AND have some quiet time.)

two thousand nine thus far..

(pictured: Alisha, me, & Anna playing in the snow of Colorado!)

So far, I have not been disappointed by the year 2009. There has been much to do, many people to see, and several places to go. (This is why there has not been much blog updating from me...)

 Just a few days after the new year, I, along with my fellow MYM youth ministers, headed to Colorado Springs, Colorado for the National Conference for Youth Ministers (NCYM). It was an incredible week filled with challenging speakers (Tony Campolo,  Mike Yankoski, Patrick Mead, & Chris Seidman, to name a few...), much needed time with old friends, encouraging interactions with new friends, and even a day of skiing... well, an hour or so of skiing, some time in a ski lodge, and fun times playing in the snow (see above picture & my facebook album). I left NCYM feeling refreshed, renewed, and ready with a new perspective for the upcoming year.

Once we returned from NCYM, I had a week in the office to get a checklist full of things completed before heading out the next weekend for Panama City, Florida. That's right, from the snowy slopes of Colorado to the sandy shores of PCB for another dose of heavenly goodness. Gulf Coast Getaway (GCG).

(pictured: BC, her awesome Harding suitemates, me & my roomie after the long trip home)

I honestly cannot adequately describe what this weekend meant to me... there is just too much that touched me too deeply for any words to do justice. Here is my attempt to express some of what I experienced.

 The Spirit. Surrender. Worship. New spiritual community. Restored community. Reconciliation. Ezekiel 37. Paul Evans. Making disciples. Randy Harris. Encouragement. Prayer. Peace. Longing. Cold sand. Story sharing. Evidence of God's grace. Evidence of God's goodness. Evidence of God's power. Submission. Offering. Praise. Hosanna. Awakening.

And like I said, that doesn't even really describe it... As for now, there are still events to plan, places to go, people to interact with, and exciting moments to come. HE is at work. I see HIM moving around me... in me. As I continue to surrender, I know that greater things are still to come.

as I spend time reflecting with HIM...

... I came across this poem of sorts that I wrote in February. As I sit in my tent (explanation later) and reflect on this past year with my Abba God, I see so much that He has done. I see so many answered prayers. I see myself still praying some of the same prayers... I love taking time to look back with Him. 

Now, I don't claim to be really good at poetry by any means, but I like what my heart is imagining and longing for here. Maybe someone else has thought about this before - or maybe someone will be delighted to think about it now. So I will share.

(There are actually two poems. I am going to post the second one on my & Annie's blog.) 

Won't you dine with me today?

Will you sit in the chair beside me; 

Share Your presence with me. 

Please stay.

Let me listen to Your song

As we watch the red birds dance.

Sing your sweet, soft melody.

Maybe I could join You?

Me and my timid harmony?

You stop and laugh and say,

"Daughter, I know you can sing lauder than that."

And as my spirit soars with love,

I see Your radiant eyes laughing and dancing,

Inviting me deeper into You.

We would sing loudly,

Voices rising high into the sky.

A glorious chorus,

Just the two of us.

Oh, if that were the case...

Can You really invite me in one day?

To sing with You?

a beautiful Christmas tradition

On Christmas Eve...

 we gather around the tree,

the five of us,

and Momma reads this book.

She cries.

(the past couple of years, I've cried)

It is beautiful.

A family tradition that I will always cherish.

And one day...

I will carry it on.

...to leap

As much as I hate the feelings I get in the pit of my stomach

 when I look at this picture, I also know it is what I am told to do.

 And I want to do it. Even though it scares me to death.

Leap into HIS arms.

Recklessly.

for about 15 minutes... i was a scribe

Yesterday, I got to be a scribe.

For about 15 minutes or so...

The Bible Across America RV came to Huntsville yesterday and camped out at Mayfair. It was really cool to be a part this. The verse I wrote was 2 Samuel 17:15. It says:

"Hushai told Zadok and Abiathar, the priests, "Ahithophel has advised Absalom 

and the elders of Israel to do such and such, but I have advised them to do so and so."

Random verse, yes. But I think it is funny that is says "such and such" and "so and so." And now I am intrigued. I plan on exploring 2 Samuel a little more. I don't think I know very much about what's going on here. Who knows, maybe I will discover something really cool here.

(Sidenote: Do any of you have any favorite stories from 2 Samuel?)

Here's a little info about the Bible Across America. 

You can check out the website for more details.

Be a Part of Hand-Writing an NIV Bible One Word, One Verse, One City at a Time To celebrate the 30th anniversary of the New International Version (NIV) of the Bible, the best-selling translation with more than 300 million copies in print, Zondervan has launched Bible Across America, a cross-country RV tour. Bible Across America features an RV, piloted by a four-person team, that is traveling across the continental United States, making stops at churches, universities, retail stores and special events where people are invited to contribute a verse to complete a handwritten Bible – America's NIV.

fictional realities

Okay, go to the blog that Annie & I write together, and read this latest post. I have been thinking a lot about this obsession we, in our culture, seem to have with fictional reality. I find myself often escaping into the lives of other people in television or (these days mostly) blog-reading. (I know. I am a dork. It's okay.)

I am really want to be involved in some dialogue about this. 

Let's talk. Okay. Go

home & the holidays

(I can sit and stare at this tree for hours...)

I have been excited about Christmas since, well, October. I am usually annoyed when I see the Christmas displays popping up in stores before the leaves even change colors, but this year was different. I found myself lingering in the ornament isles of Hobby Lobby for no apparent reason. There were several evenings when I would end up at Target, wandering through the store until it closed. I got lost in the scent of evergreen and apple candles, analyzing Christmas tree light colors, and assessing the various styles of Christmas decor. 

The funny thing is, I don't think it was the things themselves that had me so captivated. It was the feelings and the memories and the daydreams that surfaced when I was surrounded by those things. I've become quite the dreamer. Well, maybe I've always been a bit of a dreamer; perhaps I am only allowing myself more time on the playground of my imagination. 

Maybe that is part of the magic of Christmastime...

Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back 

to the delusions of our childish days; 

that can recall to the old man 

the pleasures of his youth;

that can transport the sailor and the traveller,

thousands of miles away, 

back to his own fire-side and his quiet home!  

~Charles Dickens, The Pickwick Papers, 1836

Speaking of home... I loved being home for Thanksgiving. The older I get, the more I appreciate my family. For those of you that don't know my family, I am so blessed. I pray that one day I find myself being the wife and mom in a family much like the one I come from. My parents are such beautiful role models for me and my sisters. And I love watching the relationships between my sisters and I grow... seeing how these relationships have strengthened over the years, even through the rough patches. 

The more I learn about this broken world around me, the more thankful I am for the incredible gift of family that I have been given. Thank you, God, for the protection You've given us. I would rather have this than any treasure in this world. And I love knowing that even when our time on this world is over, we will still end up at home together... and that will be our true home. 

There's really no place like home for the holidays...

a place I want to visit...

I have this thing where I love going in old churches.

(The Catholic ones are always the best.)

I love sitting quietly in the chapel areas...

I love the building's smell..

the way it feels to be in there...

the quiet...

the echo....

the windows...

it all feels so sacred...

so reverent...

a few of my friends and I always seem

to end up exploring these old type churches 

when we are visiting

other places

I have many very special memories

from some of these adventures.

(I view them as a sort of spiritual pilgrimage.)

so when I saw these pictures, 

I immediately wanted to seek out 

all of the hidden jewels of church buildings 

in Huntsville.

if you know of any, let me know-

maybe you will want to explore with me

(pictures taken by my friend, Kyle)

my favorite food...

May it be known.

I have a favorite food.

And it is Bang Bang Shrimp 

at Bonefish Grill.

I love it.

The end.

Other things I'm dreaming of...

Oh yes... the perfect house....

No, I am not really in a place where I can buy a house right now, but a girl can dream!!

 I inspected this house last year (in my days as a home inspecting assistant), 

and I fell in love with it.

In the country..... lots of land, autumn tress.... cute white house... 

Oh! - and inside the house! The interior was amazing!! Beautiful wood floors, a huge kitchen with lots of windows... The way the house was decorated was inspiring, and I left with my spirits lifted from just being inside. 

   The daydreamer within was quite active. Such a lovely house....

There are a few houses on my drive to and from work that I really like. If they were for sale, I would 

1) hope that I could afford it, 

2) hope that the inside would not be surprisingly horrible, and 

3) have no clue what the next step to take would be. Haha.

I have a lot to learn.

For now, I will continue to enjoy the home I have made for myself in my lovely apartment,

continue to find ways to pay off my student loan debt faster, 

and then begin saving up money for the whole home buying thing.

All in good time....

Sidenote: I am really enjoying my life right now, so really-- no rush. :)

this is making my heart smile and my mind wander...

And this.

This too. 

Why is my heart smiling? See blog entry at http://jennaandannie.blogspot.com

long time gone

So... I haven't updated this blog in over a year. Yes, I am aware of that. I had a myspace blog for a while. I've since deleted that myspace account. I currently have another blog with a dear friend, Annie. I enjoy sharing thoughts with her. 

I want to have a super cute blog. 

Whether or not that happens.... we shall see. 

For now. 

Know I am going to try.

Probably.

Even though no one looks at this anymore. :) haha

An update for you....

haha, not that anyone really reads this blog. :) But now that I am a gmail-er, I figure I should update my blog. I love gmail. haha

In a few hours I leave for a week-long mission trip to Belize.
I graduated from Faulkner University on May 5 with a Bachelor of Arts in English with a second major in Vocational Christian Ministry, Summa Cum Laude.... pretty exciting stuff.
I am currently not employed, but looking for a job.
Laurel and I have an apartment together. That's fun.
Let's see... what else...
I may be interning at Shakespeare Festival in the marketing department...
hmm....
I can't really think of anything else to add right now..

All I know is that I don't know what is next. :)
Like the Taylor Swift song says,
"I don't know what I want. So don't ask me. Cause I'm still trying to figure it out. Don't know what's down this road, but I'm walking..."

All I know is that I trust God and I know He has it under control. And I mean it. I am actually NOT worried. haha. Who would have thought that God really does follow through with that "peace that passes all understanding" thing?!?! :)

Well, I am off to bed. I have to get up in just 2 1/2 hours!

a very merry christmas indeed...

Have you ever been sitting somewhere, and in your mind, all of a sudden, you find that everything is moving in slow motion. You notice everything...even tiny details of a person's facial expression. You see everything through different eyes; it is like you are trying to imprint a permanent picture of the scenerio into your memory. You fully recognize and appreciate the moment in which you find yourself....

That has happened to me several times this Christmas. I must say, this could be one of my favorite Christmases ever. What has made it so great? It wasn't the presents, and it wasn't the food. It wasn't that I had an abundance of activities to engage in... I really haven't done much with anyone other than my family. (I did go to a nice little get-together with the college kids from Central for a couple hours one evening, and I visited Huntsville for a couple of days.) Yeah, at a glance, especially compared with past years, this Christmas break could appear to be somewhat lacking... and that is what I kinda expected of it.

Then what was so great? Let me list some of the moments that stand out in my mind.

Saturday we had our big family Christmas party at Mamaw's house in Englewood. Every year we all get together, and every year the party is pretty much the same. One can always count on the sausage pinwheels and chocolate oatmeal cookies. There is always the revealing of the Secret Santas, and there are gift games. The kids exchange their gifts and play the famous gift games, and then the adults will exchange their gifts and play their games. For the past couple years I, along with the other cousins my age, have been included in the adult game. This year I noticed that there are almost as many of the "kids" participating as an adult as there are "parents." We are all growing up. This fact brings many new faces to the family as well... there are the new members that started off coming as boyfriends and are now husbands, and there are also, of course, the new little kids we've got running around. It's always crazy to see how much those little ones have grown.

Here's a breakdown of who all we've got at this festive occasion:

Mamaw. She has 5 children (my mom being one of them). All 5 are married with children. There are 12 grandchildren total. 5 of the grandchildren are now married. There are now 5 great-grandchildren and 1 on the way. That is 33 people crammed into Mamaw's house.

Usually everyone divides up. Women around the kitchen table and others on the couch, some of the men watching football, others on the porch, others mingling. Little kids running around outside and in the back bedroom, and older kids mingling with the adults and in the front bedroom. It is always fun, but you never really feel like you spend quality time with everyone. This year was different. By the end of the night everyone was piled in the living room...and I mean piled in. Crammed into doorways, sitting on each other in the floor... We were watching ourselves 15 years ago. Aunt Cheryl had made Mamaw a DVD of home videos from Christmas 1991, 1992, 1993, and 1994. I can't describe how that felt. To see myself at age 6, and then turn and see my cousin's little girl who is now 6. To watch my aunt's eyes well up with tears as we watched Papaw open presents with us little grandkids helping him. Having to wipe away my own tears as I looked around the room... having to wipe them away even now... Wanting to take in everyone's reactions... wanting to take in the smiles, the tears, the laughter, the jokes... Knowing that a video or a photograph could never capture all that I would want it to... It was........ yeah....

Sunday was a special day too. Christmas Eve. Grandma, Grandpa, and Aunt Paula came over around 5 and we had some fingerfoods and desserts. It was a nice visit, but it was not nearly as special as what happened after that.
Grandma and Aunt Paula are members of the Luthern church, so every year they have a special Christmas Eve candlelight service. This year, we decided to go with Grandma to the candlelight service. She was so so so excited. It absolutely made her Christmas to have her family join her. And that was special. To top it all off, Grandpa decided that he would come with us all as well. If you only understood how beautiful it was too have us all sitting together. Grandma's face beaming as she introduced her family to everyone.... And being there with Grandpa.... a very big thing. Such a good Christmas present!

Today: Christmas Day we woke up and had a good time exchanging gifts and being the silly Lupos we are. After a relaxing morning, we headed over to Grandma and Grandpa's house for our Christmas there. (It is just a street over, not a far drive at all.) We ate, and exchanged gifts, and yes, played gift games. It was a very nice afternoon. However, my favorite part of the day came after all of that.

I love my grandpa. He is a quiet man. Simple. He always wears his kaiki pants with his dress shoes, dress socks, and his brown colored, plaid, button-up shirts. He watches and plays golf. He has trouble hearing and he doesn't enjoy loud noises. His catch phrase of my life is "quiet: the baby's sleeping." I am fascinated by my Grandpa. I find myself just watching him, trying to figure out what he is thinking...trying to imagine what he was like 54 years ago when he met my Grandma in a classy dance club in New York. Yeah, my Grandpa's a Yankee. He doesn't usually say much, but tonight was one of those special nights where we got to learn more about Grandpa.

You see, Grandpa is an artist. For my 16th birthday, I asked him for a painting made special for me. As the oldest grandchild, I started a tradition. :) For as long as I can remember, I have been in awe of Grandpa's art studio. It is the special room in their house where he enjoys his solitude and his art. One day I will have a room like that. Tonight Dad, the sisters, and I ended up in the art studio with Grandpa. He told us all kinds of stories about his life and growing as an artist... how it started when he was in the 6th grade... about the famous artist that gave him lessons for 3 years... He even showed us his work from those lessons. It was an amazing evening...

So those are three things that made this Christmas the best ever. And the break is far from over... Wednesday I get my wisdom teeth out, Friday my dad turns 50, January 3rd the sisters and I are going line dancing with Grandma and Aunt Paula..haha... I guess we shall see what other surprises this Christmas break has for me.

I hope you all have had a wonderful, blessed Christmas!(And I am thinking I need some plans for New Years if anyone has any ideas.)

One down...one to go...

One down, one to go...

Today: I took my Biblical Interpretation final and then finished/turned in my Vocational Christian Ministry final.

Tomorrow: I have a Great Books V paper due-- Wait... I was responsible and turned it in a WEEK in advance. Yes, I am excited about this major step towards overcoming the snares of procrastination.

Currently: I am trying to complete my research proposal. It is due Wednesday. Yes, we've been working on this since mid-terms. Yes, I slacked off in this area, so it is my fault this is last minute... I can't overcome procrastination all the time.. baby steps. :)

Thursday: My last final final. It isn't going to be too big of a deal.. Studies in the English Language.

Well, this week completes the first semester of my last year... one down, one to go.... Craziness. Well, I am going to get back to my research proposal. I know this blog isn't very interesting, but it had been a few months, so I decided to write something. :)

the view from my window...

I noticed recently that I only blog when I am in a bummy mood. And that's no good. That makes me look like I am always sad, and that is just not the case...

Right now I am sitting at my desk, the iron and wine song on my profile is playing, my window is open just enough to feel a little breeze. The sun is shining. The sky is blue. The color of the brick of the apartment I see in the corner of my window contrasts perfectly with the bright green trees that are highlighted with a golden hue just at the top...it's that time of year... and that is just refreshing to me. The autumn air is crisp. I'm excited about going home in a couple of weeks. By then my East Tennessee mountains will be bursting with color. I always get chills as I go over the mountain just outside of Chattanooga. Going home in autumn is my favorite. Could I possibly reiterate the fact that I absolutely love autumn?!

I don't have too much more on my mind... casual thoughts of midterms and papers drift into thought, as well as plans for the summer and the upcoming year...but I'm not too worried. I'm feeling pretty relaxed. I will get my work finished as I sit in front of my window....and as for everything else... I am confident things will fall into place...

I want to paint... When midterms are over, I am going to go to ACMoore, buy some canvases, sit on my porch and paint... that sounds nice...

There. I leave you with some peaceful thoughts... I am experiencing some relaxing contentment... I encourage you all to go outside and breathe in some autumn air...

This is me feeling a bit negative...

So I sat down here at my computer, and I started typing this blog. And I was just going at it... being completely cynical and blunt, and I was ready to just rant about all the frustrations and questions and uncertainties, and insecurties, and fears, and...... then I stopped. And I am listening to this song on repeat... and it basically expresses my thoughts.

And I like these words better. Because they say what I feel, but honestly, they don't reveal too much. You see, I am a pretty easy to read individual. I am told this quite often. I get it now, so I am easy to read. However, I don't always want to be read. Sometimes I'd rather people not know (or not think they know) what I am thinking or feeling or meaning. Assumptions suck. You know why. Because it is in assumptions that communication is lost, and when communication is lost, connections are broken, and when there is not connection, things get fuzzy, and the message is no longer clear, and then the original thought or intention gets lost in the translation....

I could ramble on some more, but what's the point. Here are the song lyrics; this is how I feel. And I am listening to this Switchfoot song for the 9th time right now...

I wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone

And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land

And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough

It's my birthday tomorrow
No one here could know
I was born this Thursday
22 years ago

And I feel stuck
Watching history repeating
Yeah, who am I?
Just a kid who knows he's needy

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough

Tag, I'm it.

Well, it has happened. I have been tagged. Here you go Sunny! This is for you! :)

1. One book that changed your life:
flashBANG by Mark Steele. I read this book over Christmas, and I have made reference to its content on many occasions. It helped me see the difference between making an actual impact and just being a lot of noise and lights... a flashbang if you will. I am aware of "the show" of things, and I am better equipped to actually be an influence. I'd say that's life changing.


2. One book that you've read more than once:
The Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis. I attempted to read it my freshman year at Faulkner, but for some reason I couldn't really get into it. That summer I buckled down and read it. I loved it. Underlines everywhere... It was incredibly eye opening. I better understood ways that Satan was attacking me, thus making me aware of some specific sins. Since then I have been able to work (not perfected) on those things... pride for example. I read it again last year and wrote a paper on it, and it is on the required reading list for one of my classes this semester. Good book.

3. One book you'd want on a desert island:
I am with Sunny on this one... The Bible. Maybe I need to be deserted on a desert island with it for a while. That is one of my goals for this semester. I have got to get The Word in me... probably the biggest thing missing in my spiritual life. (Hold me accountable)

4. One book that made you laugh:
The Word on the Street by Rob Lacey. This is an interesting paraphrase of the Bible. Why is it funny? It is pretty much the ...hmm... ghetto paraphrase. Maybe it is wrong of me to laugh... nah, this is just the paraphrase of the Bible. I just keep thinking about the time Laurel got her copy in the mail last year... I remember some random people.. standing in the parking lot.. laughing hysterically. What were we reading? Here's how Rob Lacey introduces it:
"Back when he was a young romantic, Solomon writes love letters to his lady and she writes back. Some people read it from a different angle- that they're love letters between the Liberator and his people...whichever, it's hot stuff... -Rob"

5. One book that made you cry:
There have been many books that have made me cry over the years. Let's just face it, I am a crier. I cry in movies, TV shows... I guess I am sensitive to people or something. I cried in A Walk to Remember (both the movie and the book) and The Notebook, but that was nothing compared to The Last Battle by C. S. Lewis. This is the final book in the Chronicles of Narnia series. In case you haven't read this book, I won't tell you why I cried.... but man did I weep. Beautiful story. Incredible allegory... amazing. Thinking about it made me want to read it all over again... I think I will.

6. One book you wish had been written:
A book outlining my life. Step by step guide to where I've been and where I'm going. No one would really need it but me. It could be called, Jenna's Life for the Dummy Herself, or something like that.

7. One book you wish had never been written:
When Dreams Come True by Eric and Leslie Ludy. I don't actually wish it had never been written... that is a little harsh. I do wish that it was not a part of my personal library. I've never even read it actually. I mean... the book is basically a play by play of their wonderful, perfect, God-directed relationship. How depressing. I was told that I should read When God Writes Your Love Story my senior year in high school. Good book, I liked it. I've found that the most useful chapter for me is Chapter 10: "Can the Sweeter Song Be a Solo?"
(Note: I really don't hate this book or these people. I'm sure they are great. This was written with slight sarcasm, mostly because I couldn't think of a better answer. But I'm still not going to read When Dreams Come True.)

8. One book you're currently reading:
On the Incarnation by St. Athanasius. It is the first book we are reading in this Honors class I am taking this semester. Should be good. I am very interested in the books we will be reading. Dr. Young said that this is the "most pointedly Christian formation course" of the 5 Great Books classes. I've only read the first few pages at this point, but ask me later and I'll let you know what I think.

9. One book you've been meaning to read:
Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller. I loved Blue Like Jazz, and the title itself proves that I would connect with the book... I just haven't gotten around to it. I need to just knock it out one day.

10. Tag five others:
Alexis, Carie, Shannon O'Keefe Smith, Rachel, and Jennifer Ford. I'd like to hear what you all would have to say.

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road...

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life....

...Here I am. I find myself at another turning point. Today is the day that begins a new year...a first year... a last year.... And as I am waking up to this new morning, I feel somewhat unprepared to make the turn. It's not that I don't want some of the changes to come. I am so excited about this being my little sister's first year in college! The family is on their way as I type. In about two hours I will be moving in her stuff, helping her organize her closet, and running around like a spastic mother making sure she has everything she needs. As excited as I am, I am also feeling a bit anxious. I feel a little extra pressure on me... I want to be the best big sister ever. I want to help her have an amazing freshman year, especially because she had such a wonderful senior year... I don't want her to have regrets about leaving home. But I have to remember I am not God. I cannot be in control here. I cannot make sure everything goes perfectly, I cannot be the one always fixing things, and telling her what steps to take.... (I am so scared of being a mom one day) because I know I have a tendency to want to guide her through my experience, and her experience is going to be different. So here I am, completely excited, but so nervous I am going to stress myself out and ruin her life (slight exaggeration).

This is my last year of undergrad work... I graduate from Faulkner in May... 4 years here.... I remember when I was moving in that first day.. crazy. A little anxious about this graduating thing. People keep asking me all these annoying questions like, "what do you want to do with your life?" and "oh, maybe grad school? what do you want to study?" and "don't you think you should start figuring it all out??? you are done in May.." (naw, duh) Stop asking me questions PLEASE!! I ask myself 7500 times a day! When I know for sure, believe me, you will find out. And while I am on this subject of questions, there are many unanswered questions in my life--- here's how you can help--STOP ASKING ME ABOUT THEM!! If I need advice, I will ask. I am not afraid of asking and I talk too much anyways. (Can you sense the frustration?)

This year brings new classes, new friends, old friends, new adventures, new drama (I hate drama), old drama (I really hate the drama that is getting old here at the ole F(C)U... new opportunities, new disappointments, new successes, decisions, fun, stress.... and at the end of this year another turning point...

So basically this is me saying that life is moving and I am just wanting to put it on pause for just a little while. I'm sure most of you can relate to that feeling.

Well, I'm going to go make this a good day. :) adios

I'm satisfied..

For any of you that might have been checking my blog every week in anticipation of some sort of report on my Malawi trip, I apologize. You aren't getting on one here... There is just too much to say! (And if you have seen the magnitude of pictures, you know this too be true!)

Let me start off with some key things about Africa so you can feel somewhat informed.

1) I absolutely loved it.
2) I learned so much about God's faithfulness. He is faithful, even when I lose faith...
3) I felt at home. In Africa. It was hard to fathom that I was, actually, half a world away from where I live. I guess the song is true.. "anywhere is home, if Christ my Lord is there.."
4) I love Malawian children.. from the little ones I helped babysit during the women's morning devo, to the school-aged children I would sing and dance with before lunch, to the kids at the hospitals we cleaned, to the older children of the village we had devotionals with at night... I love them all. And I really miss them.
5) American Christianity is not the only one that has issues to deal with. We (the human race) really are a broken people.. the only thing that makes us (Christians) different is that we recognize who loves us in and save us from our brokenness.
6) God answers prayers. I watched Him answer MANY while I was there.
7) Tuna fish can be a luxury meal in another country.. and pizza... I have never been so excited in my life about pizza...
8) God is active. All over the world. In so many people. I am just a small part of a bigger effort... man, God is good.

There are just a few thoughts for now. If you want to see pictures, I am certainly more than willing to share them!
Now for the 2nd part of the blog... the part that goes along with the title.. I was not really excited about this summer. I had no idea what to expect. I hoped for some good things, but didn't really expect them. Well, this summer exceeded my expectations. And now that summer is drawing near to an end, I am sad to see it all close... but at the same time, I am satisfied.

Many adventures, many new friends.. basically, this has been a really good summer. And it is my last summer in "college-kid world." And I am satisfied. I have been able to do a lot of things... go to Massachusetts, the coast, London, South Africa (well, the airport), Malawi, another country beside Malawi that I can say but not spell (well, we stopped and used the restroom there)...

Pizza and subs, antique bookstores, crazy Boston traffic, fun with the Paces, crawfish on the pier, crazy video's with Laurel's youth group and an armless man harassing us, work in admissions, lunch bunch at Cornerstone cafe, car wash, a couple of days at the lake, suntans, sunburns, smoothies, hippos, spagetti that won't boil, best friends, airports, not showering, clothing sorting in warehouse, cooking chickens.. whole, card games and tennis, television and movies, clowns and birthdays, laundry and text messaging, late nights with Nikki..... I could go on with the random words that will only mean anything to me and the people that happen to connect with those random words..

So here is life's update: I am satisfied. :)

It's overwhelming...

"I wanna sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand, lean back against you and breathe, feel your heart beat. This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand. I melt in your peace. It's overwhelming."

Yeah. It's overwhelming. Unfortunately this overwhelming feeling that I get is not usually one that gives me so much peace I just melt. I'm not leaning back against anything with the time to breathe. I've felt this peace. I've been overwhelmed in this beautiful way, but not really right now.

It's been a crazy week. I have been sent on errands for the Admissions office to Atlanta and Birmingham... yeah, not quite across town. Instead of my usual 12 hour week, I've spent over 24 hours doing stuff for them. This is just a crazy week in that office. That is the load I had to bear.

My computer is in coma. Wednesday she decided she wanted to give up the ghost. I'm still fighting for her. The harddrive might have failed, but I am sending her to a place where she will recieve the best treatments. There might be some memory loss; I'm just glad she's still under warrenty. ;) This interesting dilemma consumed much time and energy. I still have to box up and mail out that tower. Blasted computer.

My sister left for Nicaragua this morning. I didn't get to talk to her before she left. I was so distracted by the crazy College Bound demands, that I neglected to call her. I am a horrible sister.

I leave for Africa in a week. One week. Exactly. One week from this very moment I will be on an airplane. I haven't packed. I haven't been to WalMart. I got my last shot today, and I got blood drawn so I can know my blood type. I figure that's kinda important. I may need to know that. Yeah, I know I'm an idiot for not knowing my blood type.

I really wanted to go home for Father's Day. But I can't. I am really homesick. And I'm not just talking home--Cleveland, TN-- homesick. I'm talking indescribable no where feels like home, where am I going and who am I and what should I be doing and when will this wandering homesick feeling be gone... that kinda homesick. I guess you can't understand that one unless you've felt that way before. Surely I'm not alone on this one.

When will the curve balls end? When will all that's gone wrong in the world be made right? When will life be normal? When will everything be happy? When will some of the pain around me heal? When will I be able to help? When will I have a clue what I am even here for. When will things calm down? When....

Today I spent about an hour and a half leaned up against a wall in a room. I journaled my prayer, and I didn't make the handwriting pretty. Life is not perfectly formed rounded cursive letters right now. It's doesn't fit in the college ruled lines. It is rough and jagged and illegible and it takes up 2-4 lines.

Funny how much better you feel when you actually stop and take time to sit as His feet, drink from the cup in His hand, lean back against Him and breathe, feel His heart beat. That love is so deep, it's more than I can stand. I melted in His peace, and it was overwhelming.

I don't have to have answers. And I don't have to feel all together. I am broken. But I know who is holding the pieces. Cheesy.. I know.. but there you have it.

Back in town

This past week was wonderful. Sure it was rainy. Sure we got lost a lot. But you know what, we had SO MUCH FUN!

Where was I and who is we? I was in Concord, MA with a small group from Faulkner's English department: Mr. & Mrs. Pace, Amelia Cortlez, Robin Johnson, and Heather Waller. Boy, did we have a blast!

We did so much, and even though I am bored and should be writing about it all right now, I am not going to because I have some extreme packing to do. I have to be out of this apartment by early Monday morning (therefore Sunday night) and into the other one. This is going to prove to be difficult seeing as there is a lot to move, and I am just one girl.

If there is anyone in Montgomery who would be willing to help me out after church/lunchtime tomorrow, that would be amazing! Please let me know if you can.

If I can get moved in time, I will try to write details about the trip tomorrow night. I might even learn how to post pictures! We'll see. But I have to have help first.... :) Thanks!

The day has come...

Well. Here I am. In my apartment. Sitting at my computer. Alone. Laurel, Carie, and Kyle have all packed up and are gone. I must admitt, I shed a few tears. Man, if you are reading this opening paragraph in the tone that I am writing it in, than it must be a pretty depressing read.

Time to shift the tone. This summer is not going to be bad. It has potential to be good. I have big plans to stay involved with the LCM, and it looks like we are going to combine on Wednesday nights with the youth group, and that is going to be cool! It will be neat to get to know the teens.. maybe I can get more involved there. I will probably get to hang out with a wide variety of people on campus, and it's always fun to randomly hang out with people! Maybe I will find someone to play tennis with! (NOTE: If you play tennis-- I want to play with you! I need exercise! Plus it's just fun! :)

I am going to Malawi for two weeks and that is going to be great, I am going on this trip to New England this upcoming week. I am going to visit my friends on the Coast. And I am going to visit my fam. I still need a job, but that will come (NOTE: If you know of someone who is looking for an all-around great girl to work for them, let me know! ;)

The other day, Laurel and Carie read me a definition. They told me that immediately upon reading the defintion of this work they thought of me. What is the word I am refering to?

OVERACHIEVEMENT: a condition in which perfectionism, fear of failure, compulsive behavior, and anxiety drive a student to exhaustion and eventual inefficiency

Yay for me. I am killing myself and growing only towards inefficiency. That is not good. So I made a decision...I am going to work on that. I will be an achiever, not an OVERachiever! :) That means I can't do everthing, but what I decide to do, I will achieve. Without unneccessary pressure, without it having to be perfect to every detail... So there you go. You all heard it from me.(hold me to it!)

Yeah... so I got tagged...

25 Things I Love

1. Music. "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." -Victor Hugo
2. Good conversation.
3. Depth-- not neccessarily intellectual depth, but personal depth. People that are willing to let you see past the surface... people that will see past the surface of me.
4. Smoothies
5. Summer 2005 w/ the Mayfair Youth Ministry
6. Pictures- photo albums, picture frames, scrapbooks, slideshows...
7. Getting my back scratched
8. Tennis-- on the rare occasion I have someone to play with
9. The Chronicles of Narnia
10. Best friends
11. My amazing down feather comforter
12. Window seats
13. My family-- I miss them today.
14. Pretty stationary and Pilot G2 ink pens
15. Painting in the living room with the windows open on a rainy, spring day.
16. Growing
17. The movie- Pride and Prejudice
18. Making a difference
19. Analogies
20. When my apartment is nice and neat.
21. Having time to relax and enjoy what I have been blessed with.
22.Camp... the park... playgrounds.... basically the outdoors
23.When the people I care most about understand how much I love them
24.Playing with babies
25. When I am able to clearly express my thoughts


25 Things I Hate

1. When I can't transfer my thoughts from my brain to my mouth efficently.
2. When I feel like the people I love most don't understand the extent of that love.
3. Being an overachiever
4. My tendency to overcommit myself
5. When people think I am not sincere
6. When I catch myself not being sincere.
7. When I can't help someone that is hurting.
8. Clutter
9. Regular coffee
10. The fact that, no matter how long I work at it, I just can't seem to get this patience thing down
11. When I get jealous
12. When I don't do my best (Like that paper... the worst grade I have ever made on a paper..... sigh.....)
13. A lot of things about this past semester
14. Being misunderstood
15. Sweet tea-- sorry, I just don't really like tea
16. Not interning this summer
17. Wasting time filling out this blog thingy when I could be sleeping
18. That I never finished learning the guitar
19. Faulkner University's pledge week
20. Ping pong (the analogy... I love the real game... I hate the analogy game.. I guess only those that know the analogy will understand this one)
21. Being put in a box-- I don't like to feel limited or underestimated
22. How we put God in a box.... and we do it so often
23. Overwhelming "To Do" Lists
24. Being in a bad mood
25. Getting knots in my shoulders... like the past couple days...

If you read this blog you are tagged-- I think there are only two people that actually read this blog on occasion....